For this issue we are discussing family business and home-based businesses. When I was taking an entrepreneurship class at Baruch College, we had a guest speaker who spoke about family business. She mentioned that many times even self-employed individuals actually run a family business, as they need their family support in order to be able to fully dedicate themselves to the business. Jude Gorgopa agrees, and she tells the truth about being self-employed and receiving family support and encouragement. Jill Kanter answers readers’ questions and discuss “Self-Preservation in a Toxic Work Environment and Resilient Response to Workplace Embarrassment.” Our technology guest writer, Lena West, reminds us of the importance of succession planning with an emphasis on technology issues. Professor Edward Rogoff sent us two great articles with statistical information about Family Businesses, and issues involved in having a home-based business. Annemarie Segaric shares her experience running a home-based business and the challenges she faces; and we were able to interview Andrea Nierenberg and learn more about her and her business.

We hope you enjoy this issue of womenandbiz.com.

Best of luck with your business,Elisa Balabram

It usually goes something like this:

Paul Parent has spent decades growing his hardware store the old-fashioned way – elbow grease, keeping a watchful eye on the bottom-line and service with a smile. He’s no millionaire but the business has provided for his family in strong times and lean and when he looks back on it, Paul’s pretty proud of what he’s been able to accomplish. But, a new day is dawning; Paul wants to retire and wants Doris Daughter to take over the family business. Paul approaches Doris and tells her of his plans to finally retire from the family business and expresses his desire for her to take the helm in a year or so. Doris carefully considers her father’s offer and decides to take him up on it. They make plans to start to discuss the details at their monthly family dinner.

Great so far, right?

The dinner meeting starts with Doris presenting a list of improvements – a networked digital cash register system that’s connected to both a computerized inventory database and a customer relationship management application – and ends with Paul’s swift and overwhelmingly negative reaction. A stalemate ensues and progress drifts further and further from the horizon.

This scenario plays out across scores of family-owned businesses and if everyone would follow the four rules below, tons of heartache and feelings can be spared.

1. Learn the ropes, first. If you are the successor, don’t walk into the very first meeting with a littany of technological improvements. Get to know the business first. Understand how the business operates. Remember, as is said, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!

2. Keep an open mind. If you are the retiree, you’ve probably had your head down running the business. Be open to the fact that there may be a technological advancement or two that you’ve probably missed that just might boost sales.

3. Communicate. Talk about what each party’s vision of the business’ future looks like. Explain what the new technology would do for the business in terms that everyone can understand. Don’t categorically reject any new idea that sounds like “computer stuff”. Don’t just focus on the different points of view, brainstorm about how you can solidify the similarities.

4. Baby steps. If a change or improvement is mutually agreed upon, don’t buy the latest and greatest software, start small and monitor effectiveness. You can always reconvene and upgrade if necessary. It might be an extra expense but isn’t it worth your peace of mind?

The most common home-based businesses include contractors, lawyers, accountants, sales, real estate, daycare, insurance, and farming². If you are considering a home-based business, there are many advantages which should be stressed in your business plan, including:

* Having low overhead costs that make the business more competitive.
* Being able to draw on the help of family members as needed.
* Saving time by not having to commute.

Potential disadvantages should also be addressed to reassure investors that you are aware of them and have strategies to minimize any problems they might cause:

* Having many distractions that could interfere with work.
* Not having space to hold business meetings.
* Needing to be a “self-starter” to deal with lack of office structure.
* Appearing small and less established to customers, suppliers, and partners.

There are a variety of strategies to deal with home-based business disadvantages. You can obtain access to conference space for meetings by reserving meeting rooms at local hotels or convention centers. Creating a Web site can make your business look as big as any competitor. Communication technology such as voicemail, pagers, call forwarding, and email can provide excellent service and make you appear as professional as even the largest competitor. Quality printed materials such as business cards, stationery, and brochures will make your business appear professional. Finally, establishing a separate, quiet, private work space that minimizes interruptions will be a must for a serious business endeavor.

1. Heck, R. K. Z., & Stafford, K. (2001). The vital institution of family business: Economic benefits hidden in plain sight. In G. K. McCann & N. Upton (Eds.), Destroying myths and creating value in family business (pp. 9-17). Deland, FL: Stetson University.

2. Paul and Sarah Edwards, Working from Home, 5th Edition, J.P. Tarcher, New York, 1999.

A 1996 study compared a sample of 118 businesses that employed two or more family members with a sample of 113 similar ventures that did not qualify as family businesses. Although this study was not as broad as the 1997 National Family Business survey, the results showed that the major goals for all businesses, whether family businesses or not, are making money, allowing the owners to live how and where they like, and making contributions to society by providing a valuable product or service.

The 1996 study also revealed that family business owners had a greater focus on using their businesses to achieve family goals, such as creating wealth for their family or building a business that their children can later run. They also reported having greater conflict between their businesses and families, but generally felt that they were able to manage these problems. Respondents revealed that their businesses benefitted from their family members’ involvement and that hiring non-family members would probably cost more.

In the final analysis, family-business owners feel that their businesses are better off for the contributions that their family members make. They also appreciate the opportunity to accomplish both family and business goals in the same entrepreneurial effort.

Hi Jill,

I’m self-employed and recently accepted a long-term contract position as part of an onsite product development team. The project is very interesting, and it’s a great opportunity to earn some steady income. The problem is the people. Several of my teammates are very negative, and I’m surrounded by complaining and back-biting. Nothing is directed at me personally, but I’m finding it hard to work in this environment. Lately I dread going in, and am considering leaving the project. Do you have any suggestions? I really want to stay on board.

Thanks, Brenda

Dear Brenda,

It seems like you’ve found a very good professional opportunity, that unfortunately comes at the expense of your own well-being. You need to identify how best to take care of yourself in this challenging situation. It’s unlikely that you can change your colleagues’ attitudes and behaviors, but there are steps you can take to improve your experience of working with them. I suggest that you frame this situation as an opportunity to become stronger within yourself. This will help you to remain objective and to be less influenced by those around you. Here are a few suggestions to support your success:

* Establish a strong, positive inner attitude. You don’t need to become “Polly Anna,” broadcasting to teammates how great everything is. You just need to build a refuge within yourself to support your own peace of mind. This may require great effort on your part, but it’s critical to survival in a toxic work environment.
* Try to maintain a neutral view of any “negative person” from the moment he or she begins to annoy you. It’s very easy to become judgmental in this kind of situation—and that can be a tremendous liability. When your own mind becomes polluted with angry or resentful thoughts, soon you can be perceived as the one with the attitude problem.
* Try to relax. When someone speaks negatively, our tendency can be to tense up and absorb their toxic energy. Instead, try this simple exercise: imagine that your body has become a window screen with thousands of tiny holes, and then allow their words to flow right through you.
* Immerse yourself in uplifting reading, CDs and tapes at lunch and on breaks—anything that helps you to feel inspired. This can be your most powerful protection in a negative atmosphere.
* Keep a daily journal to record your challenges, frustrations and fears—as well as your hopes and positive experiences. Writing can both release stress and bring great peace of mind.
* Make exercise part of your daily routine—even when you’re really busy—a walk around the block or even the parking lot can be tremendously refreshing.

Also keep in mind that in a highly toxic work environment, sometimes the best decision is to leave. If you try these suggestions, and still dread going in, it may be time to give your notice. It can be very helpful to make decisions like this with input from trusted friends (outside the work environment). Most important, remember to take very good care of yourself—with this focus, you can’t go wrong!

Resilient Response to Workplace Embarrassment

Dear Jill,

I was recently being considered for a promotion to head my department, but lost out to someone who was hired from outside the organization. This person has a lot of management experience, and will probably be a good leader for our group. I’ve been feeling self-conscious as many people know that I was being considered for the position. I can come to terms with working for my new manager, but I need help in getting over the embarrassment of publicly “not having made the grade.”

I appreciate your thoughts on this,
Denise

Dear Denise,

I think that every reader can relate to your experience. We’ve all been rejected at one time or another—but may not have handled it with the same degree of maturity that you’re demonstrating. I’m impressed by your ability to see your new manager’s strengths, as well as your willingness to develop a good working relationship. This is usually what people find most difficult!

After working with many clients in similar circumstances, I can assure you of three things:

1. People’s reactions to another person’s seeming failure tell much more about them (and their own self-esteem) than about the person being judged.

2. Most of us are so self-obsessed, we forget about anything that’s happened to anyone else within a very short timeframe.

3. The more resilient you are, the better for everyone—especially yourself!

Self-consciousness is the result of over-focus on how (we believe) we’re being viewed by others. When you notice that you’re feeling self-conscious, try to shift your attention outward to those around you—to be “the seer,” not “the seen.” Strike up a conversation with someone by asking a question about his or her work. You’ll naturally begin to relax as you focus on the other person’s response.

It’s also very important to be aware of your own self-talk—what you’re telling yourself internally about what’s happened. Negative self-talk can produce anxiety and psychosomatic reactions like headaches and muscle tension. Positive self-talk, however, can encourage desirable results, such as increased confidence and feelings of well-being. When you find yourself repeating negative inner messages, try to let go of them immediately, and substitute more powerful positive thoughts. Here’s an example that might hit home:

Negative Self-Talk: “Everyone knows that I interviewed for that job. They’re probably coming up with all kinds of reasons for why I wasn’t selected.”

Positive Self-Talk: “I’m really proud that I applied for that job. It shows that I’m ambitious and willing to take a risk. Now I’m demonstrating that I can handle rejection, and that’s got to be impressive to senior management.”

Chances are, as you develop allegiance to your new manager, your self-consciousness will begin to fade. It also probably won’t be too long before someone else in the department experiences something embarrassing, and this can provide great perspective! Hang in there, Denise—you’re setting a great example for all of us.

If you have a question about a leadership or team issue in the workplace, please write to AskJill@womenandbiz.com.

Whether it’s through a parent, a sibling, an Uncle or a cousin, family involvement in your business can lend a certain confidence, character and dimension–not to mention a certain core of wisdom–to your dealings. I know of many people who have engaged family members in several positions—anything from mentor-of-the-moment to fill-in employee–while starting and building their empires. I will personally dedicate any awards I ever receive to my dear husband who single handedly introduced my extremely computer-illiterate self to my many programs, including how to design and edit my own website plus the tons of graphics and printing that he has done for me at a moments notice. He also acts as my own personal photographer, cheering section and cat-sitter—among the other things that I am eternally grateful for.

Obviously, this type of familial support only works if the relationships are built on a positive and trusting base for all concerned. Getting the family into your business can also mean friends and mentors as well business acquaintances that welcome and share networking opportunities. We can all use a confidence boost along with an honest reality check from time to time. Sometimes this information, whether we want to hear it or not, is better absorbed—or taken to task–when coming from a non-family member. It depends on your criticism threshold—being judged–and how personal you want to get. Perhaps that’s why, statistically speaking, business coaches and mentors have gotten so hugely popular with female business owners in the past few years.

So if for whatever reason the family isn’t available for interaction in your business, there are still ways to incorporate the family state-of-mind into it. Regardless of whether your knowledge and support comes from Grandpa, Aunt Rose, a networking acquaintance or your best friend, there is an undeniable wealth of resources at your fingertips just waiting to be asked for. Think of all that experience!

Whatever route you choose to take, not going it alone is always going to be the best choice. Mistakes will still be made, but perhaps not as painfully or expensively and the healing time will be a lot quicker. Learning how others have dealt with particular problems or seeing another personality in action can re-set the wheels of creativity and ignite a waning passion for why you started a business in the first place. It’s also wise to cultivate your very own support network to tap into whenever you need it. Just remember to pass it on when the time comes.

Here are a few resources to add to the mix:

www.bizwomen.com
www.womensleadership.com
www.smpbusiness.com
www.nyc.gov/sbs
www.womenforhire.com

* Please tell us about your education and professional experience, before starting your career as a life coach.

I studied Operations Research & Industrial Engineering at Cornell University. From college I went on to have about 6 jobs in 7 years! All of these were doing one form or another of business process improvement and business analysis consulting work. I consulted for the IRS, financial institutions, telecommunications companies and media & entertainment companies. I knew I wasn’t in the right field (I figured this out between jobs 3 and 4!) but I didn’t know what my passion was. I finally discovered coaching while browsing the Learning Annex course catalog looking for fun classes to take.

* When did you start your business?

I started my business in June of 2001. I worked at it part time while I kept my “day job” and worked with clients and took coaching classes at night. A little less than a year later in May 2002 I left my full time day job and started coaching full time.

Life Coach & Motivational Speaker

* Tell us about your business, the services you provide, and the changes you’ve made, if any, in the past year. And why did you decide to make those changes?

Most of my clients are corporate professionals who have done well “on paper” but are miserable in their jobs. I work one-on-one with clients who want to make a major career change but feel stuck because they don’t know what they want to do or because they are overwhelmed by the process ahead of them. I take my clients through a 9-step career change process that I’ve developed called The Career Changer©. All of the work I do is one the telephone, which allows me to help people all over the country, really all over the world. I’ve also written the pocket booklet, “107 Tips for Changing Careers While Still Paying the Bills” available on my website www.segaric.com. Twice a month I send out free career change tips in my online newsletter, Working Effortlessly. Most of the changes I’ve made with my business have occurred within the last 4-6 months because of my daughter. I have decided to reorganize how much time I’m available for the different kinds of coaching I offer. Right now I am only working with a handful of select clients and will keep that number low while I offer more group coaching, teleclasses, and online resources in the form of e-versions of my booklet and e-mailed courses. This will allow me to maximize the number of clients in total that I can help while I spend more time being a new mom and enjoying Isabella!

Balance & Challenges

* How have you been able to balance your time between your family and your business?

It’s not always easy. What helps me most is being very, very flexible. This is sometimes difficult given my structured background! I thought I’d be able to get right back into coaching after a month or two off after Isabella was born since all of my client interactions are phone-based. I clearly didn’t have a clue about what it was like to be a new mom! Both my business and family are in constant change. This means that I’ve had to learn to worry less about planning out the future to the nth detail, and focus more on being in the moment—whether I’m with my family or I’m working. This shift in mindset has given me the most sense of balance I’ve ever had.

* What are the most demanding challenges you face running your home based business?

The most demanding challenge is not isolating myself. It’s very easy as women to feel we can do it all…even if logically we don’t believe that to be true. So I continue to work at reaching out to others for help, support, and advice. This is especially important as I work at growing and marketing myself and my services. It’s not my strongest skill and for a while I thought I could just do it on my own. Now I know that’s why there are experts in every field…to help you with things you don’t like and are not so good at so you have more time for the things you DO like and ARE good at!

* Do you have any family members helping with the business, or helping you in other areas, while you run your business? If yes, how?

All of my family helps out in one way or another. My parents and in-laws babysit when my normal babysitter is unavailable and I have client calls. My husband provides excellent advice and is a patient sounding board for all of inspirations and ideas.

Rewards and Advice

* What things do you find personally rewarding and satisfying as an entrepreneur? What have been the rewards, risks, and trade-offs?

I love the freedom and flexibility to do what I want and how I want to do it when it comes to growing and creating my business. I also find it very exciting while extremely difficult at times to see that how well I do and how happy I am as a small business owner is a 100% direct result of the efforts I make and my attitude while making these efforts. Having the ball always in your court is very empowering but can be frightening at times! This itself creates tremendous reward and risk at the same time because I am solely responsible for the outcomes I see.

* What advice would you give someone who is planning to leave the corporate world to become self-employed?

Take baby steps!! Most people I work with have known for a long time that they are not meant for the corporate world but don’t end up doing anything about it because they think it’s an all or nothing venture. They often feel, “Well if I really do what would make me happy, I’d have to leave my job, sell my stuff and suffer through never having any money.” Not so!! Successful career changers realize making a move from the corporate world to being self-employed is a transition…it does not have to happen all at once. Try things out on the side and keep your day job. These individual steps may not feel like much but each one is bringing you that much closer to your dream.

For more information about Annemarie Segaric and her services, please visit www.segaric.com. She is the author of: “107 Tips For Changing Your Career While Still Paying the Bills”.

* When you meet people at a networking event, find out how you can help that person, instead of only talking about yourself.
* Write notes on a pad that you carry – not the back of his or her business card, so you can remember this person and follow up later.
* Do follow up, and no matter what, always send handwritten thank you notes. If that person refers you to someone else, and you do business with her, send a thank you note to the person who originated the contact; people like to know they were helpful and kept in the loop.
* At a networking event, have an exit strategy – when you feel it is time to move on Andrea mentions that you could say that you would like to allow that person to meet more people and to enjoy their evening, day, etc.

As you can see, it’s been almost two years since I sat in her workshop, and I still remember a lot of Andrea Nierenberg’s tips. I’ve learned more about her since, and wanted to know even more, so I interviewed her to find out how she became the “Master Networking Personality.”

Andrea Nierenberg is the founder and president of The Nierenberg Group, and author of the book “Non Stop Networking: How to Improve your Life, Luck and Career.” Andrea graduated from Washington University in St. Louis with a degree in Business and Psychology. Before starting The Nierenberg Group over twelve years ago, Andrea was publisher and sales director of Target Marketing Magazine, taught Dale Carnegie courses, and worked in the direct marketing industry. She was always involved with public speaking, and she has traveled all over the United States and to 22 countries around the world speaking and consulting. Andrea sold advertising, and was able to develop her sales and presentation skills while working at the magazine. Her clients began suggesting that she should start her own business and teach others about the things she did best: build relationships, teach public speaking and formulate networking strategies. Andrea Nierenberg took her clients’ advice and her business continues to grow. She tailors her seminars to fit the companies she works with, and The Nierenberg Group focuses on customized training, workshops and keynote addresses.

When I asked if she had any mentors, Andrea mentioned a group of 5 to 6 people she keeps in touch with, and also business owners and clients whom she feels comfortable asking questions.

Even though Andrea has a team of consultants with whom she has created strategic alliances, the business is Andrea Nierenberg, and she works a lot. The most difficult gap she faces is growing the practice to more of a business. She employs one assistant, her controller, and Tom Cieselka, based in Chicago, who is her publicist. However, Andrea does all the follow ups herself, gives the trainings, workshops, and still has time to write at least 3 personal handwritten notes every day. With all of this, she is still ‘balanced’ and takes several vacations, and she is a believer that you have to take care of yourself first, go to spas, enjoy life, and relax, otherwise the body will not respond as you wish. This summer she is going on a safari to Africa.

For the future, even though Andrea comments she is always on the look out for good consultants to help her with workshops, she likes to keep the business small as she is THE business. Her main goal is to become a synonymous with networking – it is her brand.

Andrea considers her main rewards the difference she makes in her clients’ lives and businesses, and receiving positive feedback from them.

She shared valuable advice with us:

“When starting a business, know what you are getting into–you will work harder than ever, and you will have more fun. And remember that everybody you meet is a possible client or friend and treat everyone like gold.” Andrea also recommends that you choose something you are passionate about since you will be thinking of your business 24/7.

Andrea Nierenberg’s new book “Million Dollar Networking: How to Find, Grow and Keep Your Business” is coming out in September. For more information about Andrea Nierenberg and The Nierenberg Group, please visit her website: http://www.mybusinessrelationships.com/.

Here are a few actions, which could have made all of our lives easier, and hopefully can spare you of some headaches:

* Define business roles

Since the beginning, I was informally responsible for human resources and marketing and sales. In order to be better able to create the company’s marketing strategy I took a year course on marketing management, (my undergraduate degree is Engineering…). Even after taking the course, my father still would question my ideas and it was difficult to develop strategies, until we sat down and agreed to thoroughly define our roles and responsibilities.

* Formalize the decision-making process

I guess my father had the final say in the beginning, and we never established if it was because of the father figure or because of his business experience. It is important to make clear who has the final say and why, so that everybody is in the same page. After several disagreements – I am not even sure if we were ever aware of what was going on – we sat down and “officially”, but never on paper, decided who would have the final say in each area of the company. Depending on the size of the business, you might need to create a chain of command for decision-making.

* Encourage your children to work elsewhere

My older siblings worked with our parents like I did when we were children, but I was the only one who joined the company right after college. My siblings so far have not joined the company; they followed different careers. After graduating, I was not sure about my career path, I had an idea I did not want to work as an Engineer, and so I jumped into the opportunity to work with my parents. I believe other second generation of family business owners may agree with me, that we always second guess ourselves – Would I have made it if I were not working in the family business? Could I start my own business? Could I have a corporate job and be successful? I have talked to a few business owners in the same situation I was, who felt the same way, and some left the business for a while, only to realize they belonged at their family business and today they are happier and more satisfied, and they believe the outside experience helped them become better entrepreneurs.

* Have family time

Develop family activities in which business discussions are not allowed, and you can just be a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter, and really enjoy everybody’s companies. You need to create a commitment to do it; otherwise, you will be talking about the business 24×7 and relationships may get strained.

* Introduce Professional Management

Professional management can help the business focus on its growth without being confused by emotions and family politics. It is a good idea to form a committee including family and non-family members who can make a decision by consensus, or even have a board of directors to help the company stay focus on its goals. However, the company should maintain the family culture, which is usually an important differential in a competitive market.

* Succession Planning

This is a very delicate issue, which has not been addressed by my family, but I hope when you go into business with a family member, or join your family business, you start working on it. It can help a difficult transition go smoothly and avoid/minimize disputes. Take a look at Lena West’s article: “Out with the Old (Technology), In with the New: Making Succession Transitions Easier” for other important and relevant suggestions.

As a general rule, when starting a partnership, either with family members or with friends, you should always write a business agreement. The agreement should include each partner’s financial contribution, the time spent working in the business, how profits and losses will be shared, how decisions will be made and how the partnership can be dissolved. You should also include the partners’ roles and responsibilities, the succession plan, an exit strategy, and anything else you think could come up in the future.

If you have experienced any other issues with your family business, and would like to share it with our readers, please send us an email to editor@womenandbiz.com

For additional information about family business, read Edward Rogoff’s article: The Issues of Being in a Family Business.