I look at myself and reflect on my own to-do list after this experience. I take relief knowing that I left my work at the office, but I still have a kitchen to finish cleaning, stray items around our home that need picking up or attending to in some way, laundry piling up, food shopping and meals to think about, a phone call or two that I need to return, bills that need to be looked at, points to keep in mind for tomorrow’s discussion with our babysitter, important conversations that I need to have with my husband and my daughters’ teachers, and the immediate decisions these require. I didn’t mention a separate list of what I think of as my “soft” items, such as having a meaningful conversation with my husband, catching up with a friend, attending a yoga class, finishing the book I started, finishing a knitting project, etc. All these are things that I need to fit into the hour and a half that I have between the time my children go to sleep and my own imagined bedtime. This is no different from any other night. So, do I manage it all or not?

A couple of years ago, after the birth of my first daughter, my husband and I made some significant changes in our work that directly affected our home life. I changed careers and left a job that required me to work 10-12 hour days and to be available even on negotiated days off and during vacation. My new job allows me to telecommute, provides me with much-needed flexibility, and typically ends each day when I close the office door behind me. Now I can afford to be present at home. I have dinner every night with my family without feeling guilty that I’m not pulling my weight as my colleagues’ stony faces used to imply when I left for the evening.. Now, I get to talk with my kids about how the day was, to interact with them while I prepare a meal and occasionally get them to help me make it. This is family time, which, had I not made the changes I did, would have otherwise been spent at work while my kids were under the care of someone else.

Sure these decisions came at a cost—mostly in terms of seniority and financial compensation for now—but the benefits swayed my decision. It was clear to me that I wanted to have a career and be an involved mother; I wanted to have a network of colleagues and feel close to my children and husband, my friends and fellow parents; I wanted to have meaningful work and know my family, to understand how their days were spent. Most important, I wanted to feel like everyday I am in control of my time and all the responsibility that I have—which as you can see is a lot! At the end of the day, I want to feel as if my life is meaningful and varied, but not chaotic, and that I can make time to actually enjoy it when I want to. So, while my kitchen and my list of things to do await me, if I ask myself, do I manage it all or not? Well, I manage enough, well enough to allow me to say yes–and that makes all the difference.