When you’re ready (already) for dreams to come true…

Dear Jill,

During the past few years, I’ve gotten in touch with some dreams for my professional life. I’ve read books on attracting what we want, but don’t seem to be making much progress. Is there any particular “secret” you’d suggest?

Thanks,
Jenn

Dear Jenn,

Although some dreams seem long in coming, we never really know how close they are. I’ve coached many job seekers who swore that nothing was happening in their searches the day before they received word of their dream jobs.

I don’t have a particular “secret” to share, but I’ve come to believe that whatever we focus on expands. I’d encourage you to do two things with great consistency:

1. Continue to envision yourself working in your ideal career and feeling how you’ll feel when this is actually happening.
2. Maintain close awareness of your thoughts and let any negative, pessimistic, despairing ones go. Each time you do this, repeat step 1. above—even for just 30 seconds.

I believe these daily moment-to-moment practices are key to realizing our dreams. I also suggest you read any book by Esther and Jerry Hicks—my favorite is: The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent.

Most important, hang in there–if you follow these steps, I have every confidence that you’ll experience progress soon!

Encouraging Employee Politeness

Dear Jill,

One of my high performers seems to lack social grace when she communicates with her staff. When she asks someone for something, it often sounds like an order. She also can be overly critical when staff make mistakes. I’ve tried to talk with her, but she gets defensive. She’s always polite with customers, so I know that she can do it. How can I help her to improve?

Thanks,
Andrea

Dear Andrea,

The best way to encourage an employee to change is to give her the motivation to do so.

Many years ago, I managed a young woman who often got into conflict with peers. Fortunately, she also wanted to be promoted. One day I told her that I was willing to sell her advancement to “higher ups,” but that she needed to get along better with others to be considered. With this new motivation, she quickly improved her interactions with teammates. Before long, people throughout the organization were commenting on her transformation. She was promoted within six months and she deserved it.

Here are some tips that might be helpful in working with your employee:

* First, identify something she wants that you have the power to give her.

* Then link her getting what she wants with her willingness to be more polite with staff.

* Praise how she communicates with customers and suggest that she use these skills to relate better with her team—she might view staff as valued resources (like customers) who help her to achieve her goals.

* Model some ways that she can speak to her staff when making requests or providing constructive feedback.

* Finally, ask for her openness to receive reinforcement and coaching from you during the coming month.

Try to be optimistic—there’s a good chance that your efforts will bear fruit (and her staff will be so grateful)!
If you have a question about a leadership or team issue in the workplace, please write to AskJill@womenandbiz.com.