Men outnumber women in information technology (IT) leadership positions by as much as 72%! Granted, many women are leaving corporate IT positions and starting their own businesses (yeah!) but, new businesses do not account for the full disparity. So, what’s really going on here?

In a word: self-pity. I’m probably not going to make a lot of friends here but, making friends is not my objective. I plan to shed some light on the role that personal responsibility plays in your success – or lack thereof.

Many women have complained that technology has become an “old boy’s club”. They are never invited to the golf outings and after-work-drinks where deals are made, they haven’t been given a key to the “executive washroom” and there’s a “glass ceiling” that hampers their every effort. As an expert who has worked in the industry for well over a decade, I can confirm that some, if not all, of these situations occur. Welcome to the real world where the chips are not always stacked in your favor or evenly. What ever happened to personal responsibility? Is there anyone out there who believes in this anymore? Hello…is this thing on?

It is high time that women working in any industry stop blaming someone and something else for unhappiness with their career and take personal responsibility for their current situation. There have been too many times to count, where I have been the “only” – the only woman, the only person of color, the only person under 40, the only, the only, the only. I have never let that stop me from achieving anything I’ve set my mind on. Nor will I ever. In fact, I have learned to use my “only” status to carve out a distinct advantage. Do you think the potential client remembers Bob #3 in the grey suit spouting business-speak or the knowledgeable woman who’s not afraid to have an opinion and engage in real conversation?

As the saying goes, “If you’re not part of the solution, then you’re part of the problem.” The same concept applies here. You didn’t get asked to attend the golf shindig? When you found out about the outing, did you ask to be invited? When it’s time for after work drinks, do you always beg off with complaints about having to tend to family issues? (Save the “but my family is important” email, please. You know what I mean.) Have you ever stopped to think that maybe there is no glass ceiling but, rather, in the words of Rebecca Shambaugh, a sticky floor?

It is absolutely impossible to be focused on building a successful career if you are dwelling on differences and perceived slights. Take that energy and use it to learn more about the vertical markets in your industry, take a class at a local college, acquire a new skill that will increase your income and market value or find ways to save or make your company money. Do something – anything – besides complain.

In corporations, sexism and racism are real. You won’t get an argument from me there. However, there are enough “isms” to grind the world to a smoldering halt without engaging in “selfism”. You have the key to the executive washroom in your pocket – use it.